sort of a post

i've been working on a particular post for a while, but i really wanted to add some pictures to it. unfortunately, the evil fat guy™ has hidden the camera again... and it's not even his. what a bastard.

the area behind the house has become a haven for several unusual critters, and i thought i'd blog about them or something, but i have a feeling that no one would believe me without pictures. i have no idea why they're here, as some of them obviously aren't native to eGGieville...

i suppose i could draw them in micr0s0ft paint, that could be fun. :|

~*~

be back later lil' blog!

awww.... that's not true

i was possessed by an evil copy-addicted journalist!

yeah, that's it...

or not.

to be honest, i only visit the onion about once a year or so. (they update about as often as i do... maybe.)

i mostly posted those silly news stories here for me any way. so there!

lah lah lah

i've actually been tinkering with a site i made over at g.e.o.c.i.t.i.e.s. though i doubt you'd want to read it, as it's mostly about anime fanfiction. though it is me bitching about anime fanfiction, so you might find it amusing/annoying. hard to say really.

i'll probably make a real post in a little while. i need to eat something before i fall out of my chair.

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to the kitchen lil' blog!

wasn't it obvious?

chicken and egg debate unscrambled

egg came first, 'eggsperts' agree

london, england — it's a question that has baffled scientists, academics and pub bores through the ages: what came first, the chicken or the egg?

now a team made up of a geneticist, philosopher and chicken farmer claim to have found an answer. it was the egg.

put simply, the reason is down to the fact that genetic material does not change during an animal's life.

therefore the first bird that evolved into what we would call a chicken, probably in prehistoric times, must have first existed as an embryo inside an egg.

professor john brookfield, a specialist in evolutionary genetics at the university of nottingham, told the uk press association the pecking order was clear.

the living organism inside the eggshell would have had the same dna as the chicken it would develop into, he said.

"therefore, the first living thing which we could say unequivocally was a member of the species would be this first egg," he added. "so, i would conclude that the egg came first."

the same conclusion was reached by his fellow "eggsperts" professor david papineau, of king's college london, and poultry farmer charles bourns.

mr papineau, an expert in the philosophy of science, agreed that the first chicken came from an egg and that proves there were chicken eggs before chickens.

he told pa people were mistaken if they argued that the mutant egg belonged to the "non-chicken" bird parents.

"i would argue it is a chicken egg if it has a chicken in it," he said.

"if a kangaroo laid an egg from which an ostrich hatched, that would surely be an ostrich egg, not a kangaroo egg."

bourns, chairman of trade body great british chicken, said he was also firmly in the pro-egg camp.

he said: "eggs were around long before the first chicken arrived. of course, they may not have been chicken eggs as we see them today, but they were eggs."

the debate, which may come as a relief to those with argumentative relatives, was organized by disney to promote the release of the film "chicken little" on dvd.

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i'm sure you already knew that, didn't ya, lil' blog?

a cure for the human condition

i probably shouldn't post this, but... i think it's funny, and, well, human critters suck.

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taco bell launches new 'morning after' burrito

purchase, ny — hot on the heels of last week's fda approval, on monday pepsico subsidiary taco bell launched its controversial "morning after" burrito, a zesty, mexican-style entree that prevents unwanted pregnancies if ingested within 36 hours following intercourse being naughty.


developed by a team of top taco bell gynecologists, the $1.99 "contraceptimelt" burrito creates an inhospitable environment within the womb, causing fertilized ovum tissue to be flushed from the body.

also available are contraceptimelt supremes, featuring sour cream and extra cheese.

taco bell officials are excited about the offering. "in the past, before roe v. wade, young women literally had to 'make a run for the border' to terminate an unwanted pregnancy," taco bell public relations director grant lesko said. "but now, women can make that same run for the border at over 7,300 convenient locations right in their own hometowns."

possible side effects of the new birth-control snack item include weight gain, stomach upset and gas, the same as with all other taco bell products.

"the new contraceptimelt is a safe, effective alternative to traditional forms of birth control that must be administered before intercourse being naughty," lesko said. "plus, it's delicious."

customers who wish to purchase a contraceptimelt will be required to meet briefly for consultation with a registered taco bell counselor/cashier. the counselor will ring up the customer's order and collect money for it, then provide change, before being allowed to administer the contraceptimelt.

additionally, a five- to ten-minute waiting period may be necessary during high-volume "busy periods" in the restaurant, depending on the length of the line.

"late afternoon, like 3 p.m., is usually a good time to come in," said gerry frankel, an arlington, va, taco bell counselor/cashier.

while the new burrito is legal and available in all 50 states, parental-consent laws in 37 states require minors who wish to purchase the contraceptimelt to obtain permission from a parent or legal guardian — unless they order a side of cinnamon crisps and a large beverage.

"all of our test marketing and demographic research indicates that among 14- to 22-year-old females, there is great demand for a quick, relatively painless termination of unwanted pregnancy via spontaneously induced rejection of fertilized, pre-fetal tissue from the uterine canal," sekuler said. "plus, 14- to 22-year-olds love delicious, mexican-style fast-food products. we're thrilled that our newest menu item can meet both these important needs in a lip-smacking, tasty way."

while he hopes that many young women will purchase the new burrito, sekuler stressed that the decision to terminate a pregnancy is an individual one.

"we are in no way advocating any particular view on this most sensitive of issues," he said. "we simply want to offer this option. and, of course, we fully respect our customers who decide to carry their babies to term. in fact, i'd like to point out that taco bell offers a wide variety of non-contraceptive menu items that can provide the crucial nutrients — such as mild sauce, shredded cheddar and beef — that a growing fetus needs to develop properly."

sekuler noted that every pregnacy terminated by the taco bell contraceptimelt comes with a special guarantee.

"if any one of our customers becomes pregnant after consuming our new burrito, the taco bell corporation will, guaranteed, hire that person to work for us at $6.25 per hour," he said. "taco bell's competitive, above-minimum-wage salaries; flexible schedules; and fun, team-oriented atmosphere make it the ideal place for a young, single mother, enabling her to provide for herself and her children with uninsured subsistence living."

pending fda approval, taco bell plans to follow up the contraceptimelt with the ru-486 mexicarriage deluxe. already legal in france, the mexicarriage deluxe costs $1.59 if purchased during the first meximester, $1.79 during the second and $1.99 during the third.

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too bad they're lying lil' blog. :(

the real g00glebots

g00gle announces plan to destroy all information it can't index

mountain view, ca — executives at g00gle, the rapidly growing online-search company that promises to "organize the world's information," announced monday the latest step in their expansion effort: a far-reaching plan to destroy all the information it is unable to index.

"our users want the world to be as simple, clean, and accessible as the g00gle home page itself," said g00gle ceo eric schmidt at a press conference held in their corporate offices. "soon, it will be."

the new project, dubbed g00gle purge, will join such popular services as g00gle images, g00gle news, and g00gle maps, which catalogs the entire surface of the earth using high-resolution satellites.

as a part of purge's first phase, executives will destroy all copyrighted materials that cannot be searched by g00gle.

"a year ago, g00gle offered to scan every book on the planet for its g00gle print project. now, they are promising to burn the rest," john battelle wrote in his widely read "searchblog." "thanks to g00gle purge, you'll never have to worry that your search has missed some obscure book, because that book will no longer exist. and the same goes for movies, art, and music."

"book burning is just the beginning," said g00gle co-founder larry page. "this fall, we'll unveil g00gle sound, which will record and index all the noise on earth. is your baby sleeping soundly? does your high-school sweetheart still talk about you? g00gle will have the answers."

"and thanks to g00gle purge, anything our global microphone network can't pick up will be silenced by noise-cancellation machines in low-earth orbit."

as a part of phase one operations, g00gle executives will permanently erase the hard drive of any computer that is not already indexed by the g00gle desktop search.

"we believe that g00gle desktop search is the best way to unlock the information hidden on your hard drive," schmidt said. "if you haven't given it a try, now's the time. in one week, the deleting begins."

although g00gle executives are keeping many details about g00gle purge under wraps, some analysts speculate that the categories of information g00gle will eventually index or destroy include handwritten correspondence, buried fossils, and private thoughts and feelings.

the company's new directive may explain its recent acquisition of celera genomics, the company that mapped the human genome, and its buildup of a vast army of laser-equipped robots.

"g00gle finally has what it needs to catalog the dna of every organism on earth," said analyst imran kahn of j.p. morgan chase. "of course, some people might not want their dna indexed. hence, the robot army. it's crazy, it's brilliant — typical g00gle."

g00gle's robot army is rumored to include some 4 million cybernetic search-and-destroy units, each capable of capturing and scanning up to 100 humans per day. said co-founder sergey brin: "the scanning will be relatively painless. hey, it's g00gle. it'll be fun to be scanned by a g00glebot. but in the event people resist, the robots are programmed to liquify the brain."

markets responded favorably to the announcement of g00gle purge, with traders bidding up g00gle's share price by $1.24, to $285.92, in late trading after the announcement. but some critics of the company have found cause for complaint.

"this announcement is a red flag," said daniel brandt, founder of g00gle- watch.org. "i certainly don't want to accuse them of having bad intentions. but this campaign of destruction and genocide raises some potential privacy concerns."

brandt also expressed reservations about the company's new motto. until yesterday's news conference, the company's unofficial slogan had been "don't be evil." the slogan has now been expanded to "don't be evil, unless it's necessary for the greater good."

co-founders page and brin dismiss their critics.

"a lot of companies are so worried about short-term reactions that they ignore the long view," page said. "not us. our team is focused on something more than just making money. at g00gle, we're using technology to make dreams come true."

"soon," brin added, "we'll make dreams clickable, or destroy them forever."

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it'll be okay lil' blog... mean ol' g00gle owns bl0GGer after all. ;)

are ya scared yet?

recently unearthed e-mail reveals what life was like in 1995

knoxville, tn — a 1995 e-mail extracted from the hard drive of a recently unearthed compaq desktop pc offers a tantalizing glimpse into the day-to-day life of a primitive internet society, said the archaeologists responsible for its discovery.

"we're very excited by this find, because only by understanding our e- mail past can we hope to understand our e-mail present and future," said northwestern university archaeology professor lane caspari, who has been leading the dig through the equipment storage area of a knoxville-area credit union since late april, on tuesday. "the discovery also sheds new light on the 1990s — an era we know very little about."

written by a "scully666@compuserve.com" and addressed to a "makincopeez@prodigy.net," the writer expresses the ancient equivalent of boredom, asks the receiver about his or her status in their primeval office environment, then refers to the act of sending the e-mail itself.

"nothing going on," begins the e-mail. "what's up with you? are you going to mike's b-day thing on friday? i'm thinking about it. i might go, but i'm not sure yet."

the e-mail continues, "let me know if you get this e-mail twice. i'm still trying to learn the system. i think the managers know when we're on the net, so i'll stay away from the web surfing and check my e-mail only once a day."

the e-mail is signed only "k." it contains no subject line.

"it shows that these forgotten people of the '90s had many of the same concerns as modern man, such as b-days, and slow periods at work," caspari said. "the presence of the archaic slang verbalization 'what's up' appears to indicate that they cared about the immediate welfare of others in their closely knit community, much as we do today."

but the artifact reveals differences as well. according to caspari, the find indicates that people from that era spoke a much earlier form of e-mail language alien to our own, employing the full spellings of most words, and lacking the versatility and advanced expression of smiley-face or frowny- face emoticons.

researchers were hoping that "untitled 1995," as they've dubbed it, would help fill-in the long-sought missing link between the ancient e-mail world and the modern era. the compaq's hard drive crashed shortly after the discovery, a more thorough study of the early writing is impossible. only a paper copy of the e-mail remains.

"it was heartbreaking to see that hard drive die, but there was a certain tragic poetry to it, as well," caspari said. "few have ever had the privilege of receiving, first-hand, a beacon from our distant past, calling out to us across the sea time."

neither e-mail address is active any longer, but their names may provide clues to long-forgotten events or important rulers of the time.

"scully666' was likely a figure from these people's pantheon of god- figures," caspari said. "'makincopeez' is a reference lost to the ages."

only four known e-mails pre-date this one, including a 1992 ascii drawing of star trek's mr. spock, found by a group of indian laborers salvaging precious metals from computer hardware in a mumbai dump in 2004.

caspari said it was "extraordinary" that the early e-mailers showed an awareness of the importance of their new tool.

"this clearly points to a reverence for the technology, but also an intense anxiety about a power they could not have understood," caspari said. "it's safe to assume that 1995 was a terrifying and confusing time, and they must have struggled to make sense of it all."

while much work remains before researchers can hope to illuminate the secrets of the ancient and mysterious period of the late '90s, they say the discovery itself is an important milestone in understanding human history.

"listening to the whir of the disc drive and watching the blink of the cursor, we glimpsed, for a moment, life through a completely different set of eyes," caspari said. "but, in the end, we realized that we have more in common with our shadowy ancestors than we might like to think."

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lil' blog... human critters are weird.

an apple a day...

customer subdues robber with applesauce

(located under: us-news, odd-news, robbery, applesauce)


philadelphia — a customer at a city grocery tackled an armed robber and beat him with a can of applesauce when he refused to drop his gun, police said.

the suspect shot himself in the head during the struggle, and passed out after the 66-year-old customer administered four blows to the head with the mott's applesauce.

"finally, the guy passes out," said det. curtis matthews. "there's blood everywhere — on the floor, all over."

about 15 customers were in gomez grocery in the city's east germantown section when the gunman walked in sunday afternoon, jumped atop a small freezer and pointed the gun at store owner eddie gomez, police said.

customer thomas santana, who is 5-foot-4, grabbed the 6-foot-1 gunman from behind when he was on the freezer, and with help from gomez knocked him down.

the suspect, 23-year-old thomas reyes, was in stable condition at a hospital, and was expected to be charged with attempted murder, attempted robbery and other charges, authorities said.

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isn't that just silly lil' blog?

blah blah blah

did ya miss me?

did ya miss me?

didn't think so. :D

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any who, i've been playing (with html and stuff), trying to make things a little less boring around here.

quite a task really.

while i can't add much content to my bloGGie, since mean ol' bl0gger won't even host my pictures for me... *sniff* the bastards! ...i decided to go back to my wonderful friends over at yahoo (who happen to own g.e.o.c.i.t.i.e.s and f.l.i.c.k.r).

and since i'll never ever abandon my poor lil' bloGGie, i've decided to just link to things hosted elsewhere...

i know, you're probably thinking "how hard could that be?"

well, when you're using free content hosts, and things are in twelve different places, and some of them depend on one another, it's rather awkward.

lah lah lah

g.e.o.c.i.t.i.e.s is a great web host, but they suck as a content host.

f.l.i.c.k.r and p.h.o.t.o.b.u.c.k.e.t are great content hosts, but they don't host web pages.

i suppose i could sign up with youtube or something, but they're a bit scary.

sooooo, if somebody would like to donate a big, fat web server (with unlimited bandwidth, of the super-duper high-speed variety) i'd be mighty happy. i'd even buy you some pocky! (probably not more than two boxes though, since i'm broke and stuff.)

in case you didn't know, p.h.o.t.o.b.u.c.k.e.t now hosts video, though it is somewhat limited.

without further adu, click on this!

it's tiny (about 600k, so it won't take too too long to download), and only thirty seconds long. i found it to be amusing, and thought i'd share it with whomever happens to show up.

**you'll need to have a browser that can view flash content (with at least flash player 7).

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if my poor little video didn't just make your day, then watch this:
the most bestest mentos and coke video ever!*

*link has been updated!

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i'll be back in a bit lil' blog!
;)